Django Durango

Dixie googled the tiny handcuff key that Nero had mentioned and found the website that made them. And they had other products as well.

Dixie showed Cleo a product that looked like a bullet vibrator. However, instead of a tiny battery-operated motor, it contained four lock picks, a “bend to fit” tension wrench, the handcuff key, two different kinds of lock shims, a Kevlar saw, a diamond rod saw, a ferrocerium fire rod, three waxed jute fire starters, and a ceramic razor blade.

“‘If your occupation or recreation takes you into dangerous situations,” Dixie read aloud, “you’ll want to have an EscapeModule on hand… or wherever you can keep it hidden. Just 3.2″ long, this tiny o-ring sealed module houses lifesaving escape and survival tools.'”

“Apparently, you can use the casing as a flint too,” Cleo noted.

“Sounds like it depends,” Dixie said. She read on. “‘Included in this order (but not fitting inside the module) is a small petrolatum packet for just about any survival use you can imagine.’

“Hmmmmmmm, it sure is weird how the lube doesn’t fit inside the thing. Where do they expect you to keep it?” Dixie said, playing dumb.

“Yes, I love how deftly the copy dances around what it’s for,” Cleo chuckled. “Are you going to buy it then?” she teased.

“I gotta be honest,” Dixie said. “I’m-a two minds about it. On the one hand, am I gonna walk around with a dead bullet vibe in just in case? No. It probably sets off metal detectors. But ya know if ya ever get in a situation where this’d be handy…”

“You’ll be thinking to yourself, ‘If only’ the whole time,” Cleo said, trailing off into a peal of chortles.