Django Durango

“They all loved the fish-hook-in-the-nose move!” Rodney argued as he pulled the cushions from the couch. It was a new addition to the close-of-day tasks: all the couches had to be checked for lost items every morning.

“That’s not the point!” George snapped. “You don’t just jam your finger up someone’s nose without any warning, you knobhead!” He sprayed the peep show window with glass cleaner and angrily wiped the smudges away. “That is literally the first thing Madame Wanda says when you start here.”

“She never said anything about that,” Rodney said. He felt around in the crevices of the couch, checking for keys and other small items.

“Rule #1: Everything must be agreed upon in advance,” George quoted. “Ring any fuckin’ bells?”

“Sure, for all the kinky stuff with the customers. How’s I supposed to know it goes for something as tiny as that?”

“Tiny?!” George about had a conniption at that. “It applies to any situation where you’re stuffin’ a part of your body into someone else’s orifices!”

Rodney started to object, but then stopped. When you put it that way… It did sound a lot more invasive than he had thought it was.

“All right, yeah. I see what you mean. I’m sorry.”

“No improvising. No surprises,” George said. “I know they do it in books all the time, but you can not do that here. At best, it can ruin the mood. At worst, you could create a full-on situation.”

Luckily, this time, it was just a mood ruiner. George hadn’t any idea Rodney was planning to grab him by the nose – who even thinks to do that? – and panicked at the sudden pressure in his sinus. It was only a few seconds of disruption in which George recoiled as far back as the peep show box would let him and gave Rodney a firm but painless warning kick to shunt him away into his own corner. Leaning against the wall, George rubbed his nose, snorted, and gave Rodney a look of what-the-fucktitude. Rodney froze, realizing he’d overstepped, until George recovered and gave him a prod with the electric truncheon to signal that they should get back to work. They set it aside and got back into character, but the awkwardness hung in the lounge for at least fifteen minutes after.

This sort of thing was exactly why they always started the newbies out in the peep show though. It kept them separated from the club members and under the guidance of a more experienced employee so their inevitable missteps wouldn’t cause too much upset. Of course, that also meant those senior employees had to endure those mistakes.

“You never know what could set someone off,” George explained. “And we don’t need the Club getting a reputation for people going Downer here. So you can only do what you’ve already expressly agreed to do. And that goes for your coworkers too.”

Rodney nodded in understanding. They went back to tidying in awkward silence.

“Can I fish hook your nose then?” Rodney asked finally. He was still cowed from being reprimanded and busied himself with putting the couch cushions back on the sofa as an excuse not to look at George.

George thought about it. The club members had loved it, before he panicked. He remembered hearing the appreciative oohs from the other side of the glass. If there were ground rules and if he were expecting it, it could be a real crowd-pleaser.

“Yes. But no yanking me around by my nostril and don’t go in so hard next time. You were practically trying to poke me in the eye from the other side.”