| Character | Line # | Attribution | Subtitle | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Edmund MacMillan | 02 | WellM | Ohh no... oh no no no no no no no... | |
| Ploughboy | 04 | WellM | Hey, boys, looks like the stars 'ave aligned! The law's out o' commission, and here's the meat boy. We never concluded our previous business, did we, meat boy? | |
| Edmund MacMillan | 06 | WellM | Noooo! Help! Hellllp! | |
| Ploughboy | 08 | WellM | What's the matter? Spankers don't spank? | |
| Ploughboy | 10 | WellM | Yeah, a little, er, unscheduled maintenance with yer wirin' out back, right boys? | |
| Ploughboy | 12 | WellM | Now we do a little unscheduled maintenance in front. And then, a little on Meat Boy, for shits and giggles. | |
| Ploughboy | 14 | WellM | And then, maybe, you'll pay us for our troubles so it don't happen again. | |
| Ollie Starkey | 16 | Ollie | Go away, you thoughtless small penis! | |
| Ploughboy | 18 | WellM | Uhhh... what did you just say?? Maybe we'll start with you! | |
| Ollie Starkey | 20 | Ollie | Are ye fuckin' serious? Ah'll fuckin' hoy yez round this place like a fuckin' hawk wi' a parakeet! | |
| Ploughboy | 22 | WellM | This ain't over! | |
| Ollie Starkey | 24 | Ollie | Out the door or pick a fuckin' window. | |
| Ploughboy | 26 | WellM | Ahhhhhh! Go, go-go-go! | |
| Edmund MacMillan | 28 | WellM | I don't know why they hate me. I never did anything bad to them. | |
| Ollie Starkey | 30 | Ollie | Well... dinnae worry yerself over 'em, those wankers will be washing their skids for the foreseeable. | |
| Edmund MacMillan | 32 | WellM | You're good, Ollie. There's nobody as good as you. Except for Arthur Hastings. | |
| Ollie Starkey | 34 | Ollie | Aye... nae problem, laddie. |
Follows from Pub_2.