| Character | Line # | Attribution | Subtitle | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Arthur Hastings | 01 | PC_Art | Maybe I ought to have just clapped my hands. | |
| Harry Haworth | 02 | WellM | You ought to be careful in there. Not everyone who goes in comes out. | |
| Arthur Hastings | 03 | PC_Art | Thanks. I'll be careful. | |
| Harry Haworth | 04 | WellM | I know you will. Just look at your forehead. Your reflective lobe is well developed. | |
| Arthur Hastings | 05 | PC_Art | Thanks ... I think. | |
| Harry Haworth | 06 | WellM | He doesn't understand, in there. It's the only way to fix it. We change the shape of people's heads! You have to tell him! | |
| Arthur Hastings | 07 | PC_Art | How would you...? | |
| Harry Haworth | 08 | WellM | THE PHRENOLOGISTS WERE RIGHT! WE JUST CHANGE THE SHAPE OF OUR HEADS. IF HE'D JUST LOOK AT MY DATA! WHY WON'T HE LOOK AT MY DATA? | |
| Harry Haworth | 09 | WellM | Why won't anybody look at my data? | |
| Harry Haworth | 10 | WellM | The permanent solution is just going to lobotomize everybody. | |
| Arthur Hastings | 11 | PC_Art | I think you might be right about that. | |
| Harry Plantagenet | 12 | WellM | You must release me! I am your true King! | |
| Harry Plantagenet | 13 | WellM | Just look at my family tree! I am the Plantagenet heir! | |
| Harry Plantagenet | 14 | WellM | This is Clive's doing, isn't it? Thinks he's in line because his great-grandmum-times-ten fucked King Chuck! Rotten Jacobite bar sinister! | |
| Harry Plantagenet | 15 | WellM | You have to let me out. England needs its King. England needs me. | |
| Harry Plantagenet | 16 | WellM | The King awakes! The King awakes! The King awakes! | |
| Arthur Hastings | 17 | PC_Art | Don't laugh, Arthur. Don't laugh. Heh. |
Continues from Clap. Line 16 only plays if you dose Harry Plantagenet with the experimental Coconut Joy formula. It's possible Line 8 would have been similarly dependant on that action. However, it also reads as a unit with the lines following it so it may just be part of the conversation with Harry Haworth.