This is a post I’ve thought about making many times before, but could never drag my ass along to get it done. I have finally been driven to this point, however.
Let me preface this by saying that I like my bossman a lot and that he is a pretty cool dude, so far as bossmen go. That said, however, the man has no taste whatsoever. When he bought the hotel a few years ago, he started renovating and decorating. The majority of this effort goes into the lobby.
One of the first things bossman installed in the lobby was this bad boy right here:
They say he looks a lot like the other night auditor. I thought the idea of a bell was fucking stupid since we already had the wireless phone and that the dude was just tacky. As you will see, however, trying to exert any sense of aesthetic in this place is a losing battle.
Bossman really like plants. He’s really got a thing for fresh cut flowers, but he likes greens just as well. I don’t think he actually knows much about plants though. Case in point, this unfortunate looking specimen:
This is some sort of vine plant. In a planting pot. It’s trying so hard, but I think its battle to grow is about as futile as mine is to work in a place with proper interior decorating.
These ones, however, are thriving. They still need the assistance of bossman’s thumb tacks though. My dad grows these at home. They’re hanging plants. : / I could make a joke about the other side of the world being backwards, but…
He’s got a taste for country scene paintings. Particularly in the form of puzzles. Yes. Puzzles.
Of course, that doesn’t mean he has to, you know, pick a theme and go with it. He apparently liked modern furniture just as much.
Modern lamps with a big ass picture of a country scene with an equally big-ass “antique” gold frame. Also, note that he painted the table with the same paint he used on the woodwork. Which is some ridic orange color.
As he also did to this behemoth of an entertainment center I came in to find dominating the lobby one day.
Of course, we don’t have anything more entertaining in there than one would find in the rooms. Offended taste aside, I draw the line at anything that entices the guests to spend any more time in my presence than necessary. I’ve already done everything I can to make the computer as little fun as possible.
That means he has to find things to fill up all that empty space though. Like, for instance:
Dolphins. Yeah, I don’t know either. The elephants at least make some sense.
The thing that really gets me about this one is the elephant on the bottom. He is some sort of lamp, I think, but he’s not plugged in. Instead, his cord is wrapped around him in the least visually pleasing way imaginable. In addition, the face front placement is just bewildering to me when he did such a nice arrangement with the other elephant. (The flash blanked out the picture, but I’ll give you three guesses as to what it is of.)
But you know what this place really needs?
Some random Asian thing. Yes, sir.
I don’t even know when this thing made it up there. I’m beginning to think he’s doing this on purpose. And now I have supporting evidence.
When I came in on Monday this week, it stood large and in charge of the other side of the pole from Mr. Crotch Bell. Never before did I regret not carrying my camera as a habit more than that evening. Verily so, I prayed that bossman would not develop sudden sensibility in the three days until I was scheduled again. But I worried for naught. Indeed, when I returned, not only was the fountain still there, but he had “improved” upon it with some Mardi Gras beads.
Behold this spectacle.
Yes. A cheap, plastic, magic faucet fountain. Complete with pink (orange?) and yellow lighting, plastic flowers, and the ability to sprinkle water everywhere.
In addition, bossman added his own touches with real flowers and Mardi Gras beads.
Yes, friends and neighbors, I get to sit amongst all this splendor every evening. I am sure you are envious.