The Comprehensive Guide to Barbie and the Rockers Fashions, Part 2: Center of the Universe

So the first three minutes and change of this movie is a mixture “look at this concert and our visual effects skills” and a montage of magazine covers, quick scenes, and global concert footage establishing that Barbie (and to a lesser extent, the Rockers) are the hottest shit that ever shat.

Barbie, alone, on the cover of Barbie Magazine, wearing a pink and black dress.

Here’s Barbie (just her) on the cover of Barbie magazine. She’s doing sort of a tropical theme here with the hibiscus flowers in her hair. Tropical themed shit big in the 80’s too. Miami Vice had a lot to do with it, of course, but just that whole flamingos and palm trees theme just really lent itself to the party atmosphere and neon/pastels everyone was into then.

That bracelet looks like it could be interesting too.

Another thing I want to point out is that while various shades of pink are almost always a part of Barbie’s outfits, I really like her color combinations. Black obviously looks great with light or hot pink and was a color combo I used to break up my own goth looks in high school. She mixes it with some other less expected colors though and I think they work to great effect.

Barbie and The Rockers on the cover of Musique France. Barbie is wearing a teal and pink dress.

Like this teal and pink outfit from the cover of Musique France. If you’ve been around long enough, you might remember my website used to have a pink and black color scheme, before I went lighter and than changed it completely to this teal and goldenrod to reflect my own tastes. Looking at this though, I might just see how well hot pink goes with it. If it works, I’mma reintegrate pank back into the theme. It does and I did!

I also like the structure of this dress. It reminds me of one of my favorite things ever to come out of Project Runway, Laura Bennett’s feather bodice finale dress.

One of Laura Bennett's dresses for Project Runway's finale. It has a black feather bodice.

But that is another show.

You can barely see them in the background, but check out Ken’s bolo tie, Dee Dee’s That Girl hairdo, and Diva’s Pocahantas costume. No wonder the French think we have no class.

That other shape being superseded by Barbie could be Dana or Derek, but I’m gonna say Derek given the fit of the pant legs and the fact that female 80’s hair cannot be contained in that little space. Where’s Dana then? no1currs.

Animated gif of Barbie's grayish-purple Grecian gown for the music awards.

Here’s Barbie winning like Beyoncé at some music awards. Just her, of course. That’s a classy fuckin’ dress though, don’t you think? Grayish blue-lavender, matching opera gloves. Looks like the Hervé Lager dresses Dita Von Teese wears for her perfume ads. Also love her (I’m imagining/squinting) art deco fan earrings and matching hair clip.

Barbie on the cover of Upbeat Magazine, meeting the Queen. Presumably of England.

This is what Barbie wears to meet the Queen. Coral pink this time, the hibiscus flowers again and opera-length… arm warmers? *sigh* It was the 80’s. What can you say?

The Queen’s outfit is a little drab compared to the actual Queen’s brighter color palette. But then again, the actual Queen is also a lot older than this one.

Barbie and The Rockers, wearing matching suits in some European country on the cover of Now! Magazine.

Here’s a trip to somewhere European and everyone is wearing suits. I love a woman in menswear. Not personally a big fan of bow ties though. Actually, though, I really like the other girls’ outfits. I especially like that they gave Diva something other than red like they normal do, which just blends in with her hair, and that they gave Dana yellow like they normally do, which works really well with hers.

Poor Derek got upstaged by big hair again.

Barbie and The Rockers, wearing matching folk outfits on the cover of Russian Life.

Uh… moving on.

Barbie on the cover of a Japanese magazine, signing autographs.

This is cute. I think it’s supposed to be in the Japanese mountains, so a (wool?) day suit to keep warm and a little 20’s flair with the cloche hat. Could have done with some contrast though.

But anyway, the point is basically that everyone in the whole damn world loves Barbie…

If only fame had an IV.

And they wear the traditional clothing of their countries of origin to her shows. I wonder what country that rad-looking chick in the bottom left corner is from. Teal Dickies and a bleached faux hawk? Anyone with a world cultures major wanna chime in?

I am the best at peace, said Barbie.

Because everyone from Australia to Zanzibar loves Barbie, she’s been named First Ambassador for World Peace! This outfit is actually an animation error, as it’s just a palette swapped version of her clubbing clothes and a closer shot later it’s back to its normal coloring. But I actually think I like the predominantly navy blue version over the pink one.

But despite Barbie’s iron fist of peace, all is not well.

Next time: what Barbie and the Rockers wear when they try to drown their sorrows and silence their inner demons.

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  1. Simon 2013.09.11 11:25am

    Teal dickies girl is probably from the British punk rock scene – pretty big back in the 80’s.

    But what’s this? You do not like Russian Troika Barbie’s look? She’s got to be open to all cultures, even oppressive Soviet regimes.

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