The Soldier was grandstanding. Again. This happened at almost every meal. They would all sit around the camp fire, eat their rations, and Soldier would tell them all about fighting battles in the Mexican-American War. They generally just let him speak, but today…
“Every conflict has its causalities,” Soldier said in conclusion of today’s tale of patriotic heroism. “I lost a boot that day. I kicked Santa Anna’s ass so hard it got stuck in there so he got to keep it.” He put on a look of great solemnity and gave his lost boot a moment of silence.
Spy, though certainly disciplined enough to have contained his disbelief like any other day, chose not to on this one. It escaped him in the form of a skeptic snort.
“Oh yeah?” Soldier said, glaring across the fire at him. “And what would a Chinaman know about fighting wars, Chopsticks?”
Spy sneered and said, “The Chinese wrote the book on war.”
“James Dyson,” she moaned,
“Thou art a god.
Provider and Patron Saint
Of every housewife ever
To wipe sweat from her brow.”
Oh, I got you this time
And Boy oh boy
Are you gonna feel
Like a dipshit after this one!
“As you can see here,”
Our teacher said,
Flashing a pleasant smile and the transparency
From Kuper’s adaptation of Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis”,
“This artist also works in scratchboard.
In fact, he does ‘Spy vs. Spy’
In scratchboard too.”